Navigating Phone Free Policies in Schools
By Vanessa Elias - Human Connection and Mental Health Activist, Certified Parent Coach, Community Advisor, NAMI Parent Support Group Facilitator, and Block Party USA Founder.
Reflections after one year of our K-12 District going phone free bell-to-bell in Wilton Connecticut.
It was March 2024 and our panel of teachers and administrators shared what they were witnessing in the elementary, middle, and high schools at “Parents, Schools & Technology: Conquering Mean Behavior Together.”
Elementary school teachers talked about overhearing sexually advanced and inappropriate terms and knowledge from their students. They struggled with kids regularly falling asleep with their heads on their desks in class.
Middle school students no longer interacted, communicated, nor were social in between classes or during down times. Instead, they were heads down, with phones in hand, silent. Teachers had witnessed a massive change in students in the last seven years.
High school teachers were spending their class time policing instead of teaching. An ever increasing number of students wouldn’t listen when the teacher asked them to put away their phones. It was impossible to get and hold students' attention. Teachers who love teaching were left with a distracted and disconnected environment. They were frustrated and burnt out.
School administrators frustratingly shared that the majority of their day was now spent intervening, investigating, and managing online mean behavior and bullying. It was taking them, and our students, away from being able to focus on education.
After hearing the disturbing and debilitating stories straight from teachers’ and administrators' mouths, it was clear to those in the room of what we needed to make happen.
A year ago, our school district was among those first in the country to introduce a bell-to-ban at the middle and high schools. This meant phones would be put in Yondr pouches when students entered the building, and the phones would remain locked in there until the end of the day.
We knew that students would not be happy and push back, but what we did not expect was the parent community having such a strong negative reaction (that’s putting it mildly!) in response. Letters were written to the Board of Education, angry posts on social media prolific, all outraged and against the ban.
The parents had four main concerns, which I share below, along with the facts.
Concern: “Technology was a tool that our kids needed for their future and they would not be properly prepared.”
Fact: It’s not the tech skills that kids are lacking; it’s the interpersonal soft/human skills. The World Economic Forum (WEF) lists technology literacy as just one of the top ten skills needed. The majority of the needed skills are soft skills in the future of work: communication, collaboration skills, conflict resolution, empathy, and adaptability.
Concern: “We are telling our kids we didn’t trust them by not allowing it. Instead, we needed to teach them how to manage it.”
Fact: It’s not about trust. It’s unreasonable to think a developing brain can withstand the addictive and all consuming nature.
Concern: “It is critical for my child’s mental health to be able to be in contact with me throughout the day.”
Fact: Constant contact between parent and child is actually hurting and not helping our kids — and feeding child and parent anxiety. They need a chance to figure things out on their own. Our kids’ confidence, resilience, ability to solve problems (and their mental health) grows when they have some independence from parents.
Concern: “My child needs their phone in case of a school shooting.”
Fact: It is absolutely horrific that both students and parents live daily with some level of fear of gun violence in our schools. Our kids having their phones available feels like a lifeline to them and to us. Constant connectivity and tracking make us feel safer, but it actually doesn’t make us safer. It’s a powerful illusion.
The truth is, in an active shooter situation, having a cell phone actually makes our kids less safe. Law enforcement officers, sheriffs, and police chiefs explain why:
Cell phone could sound or buzz and the noise or light would alert the shooter
Outgoing messages and video sent by students could be wrong information transmitted, causing chaos and delays for law enforcement and families, and overloading communication channels.
And most importantly, a student distracted by their phone and not paying full attention to staff (who have had active shooter training) are in increased danger
As parents, we need to remind ourselves of this – and share this with our children who are feeling understandably anxious.
Our superintendent and board of education were thankfully steadfast in their commitment. Within just a few months, our high school saw:
Decreased anxiety, with a drop in kids needing to leave class to go to counselors for mental health support
Increased talking, smiling, eye contact, and social interaction in the halls, cafeteria, and the classroom
A significant drop in investigations for cyberbullying to a quarter of the pre-ban levels
A culture shift where people, not phones, were the focus
What parents need to do, even if their child’s school has a bell-to-bell ban?
Support the School - Bad-talking the school for the bell-to-bell ban puts a fissure between parents and school. This is confusing for the child as it creates a conflict of who has their best interest in mind? This can have a negative impact on the child’s psychological well-being and increases risk of negative outcomes, similar to when parents are going through a divorce.
Validate the Challenging Transition - It’s hard when kids are no longer able to use their device as their security blanket and ease their discomfort in social situations! Express your confidence in them being able to manage it.
Manage Their Own Anxiety - Our parental anxiety doesn’t help our kids. In fact, it can cause them to be anxious. Get support so that you can show up confident in your kids and the world around them.
Eliminate or Limit Access - You can change what you allow by way of apps and time spent on each app or the device. No smart phones or social media until high school.
Carve out Tech Free Zones - No devices in the bedroom, at meals, or in the car in daily life. We need to preserve those sacred spaces for connection, conversation, and sleep.
Role Model Healthy Tech Use - Keep your tech away when together. If you need to be on your phone, talk out loud about what you are doing. “I’m going to text Grandma and see if she can come to your game Sunday.” Plug your phone in away from your bed or out of your room overnight.
You Can Change Your Mind - Just because an older sibling got a device in X grade, doesn’t mean you can’t do differently for younger siblings. Explain that you made a mistake and you’ve learned a lot since then.
Continue the Conversation - It’s critical that we have open and regular conversation about the challenges of screentime, our habits, the algorithms, the way it affects our brains and well-being, and how we can be intentional in our use.
When parents and schools work together, we enable our children to have the future they deserve, full of joy, connection, and capability.
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To learn more about Vanessa Elias check out www.vanessaelias.com or www.blockpartyusa.org.
