We Gave Our Daughter an iPhone in 2007. I Regret It—and It Changed Everything

By Michael Obrien, of Pause Breathe Reflect

We held out longer than most.

In our Hudson Valley town, just across the river from New York City, phones had become practically standard issue by the time students reached third grade. Parents justified them with talk of "safety" and "convenience," but my wife and I weren't buying it. We'd decided our daughters wouldn't get phones until middle school. A decision that made us about as popular as vegetables at a birthday party.

Our oldest begged, negotiated, and deployed the classic "Everyone has one" argument with the precision of a seasoned litigator. It felt isolating to be on the outside looking in, but we surrendered any hope of winning "Parents of the Year" and held our ground. We were proud of ourselves.

Right up until 2007, when Steve Jobs and Apple launched the iPhone. The same year, our daughter started middle school.

At the time, I was still recovering from a near-death cycling accident that had turned our family's world upside down. After everything I'd put them through, giving her this shiny innovation felt like the least I could do. At least, that's what I told myself. In reality, it was pure emotion driving the decision.

I was frustrated.

No, I was pissed off with the other parents who'd caved early and made our job harder. So I decided to take it up a notch. I'd be the first parent in town to give my kid an iPhone. The thought of other kids begging their parents for one after seeing my daughter's phone? That made me happy in a way I'm not proud of now.

It was, as the kids say, a misguided flex.

Almost overnight, the phone became her constant companion. Texting, texting, always texting. This was before social media algorithms had even entered the picture, and yet I already felt like I was losing my daughter to a screen.

We struggled through middle and high school, trying to coax her away from the device. We had moments of success, and we learned a few things by the time her younger sister reached that age. Still, we didn't have the research we do today on the impact of screen time on developing brains. It felt less than ideal, but we didn't yet realize it might be harmful.

Thankfully, our story took a positive turn. Both daughters, entirely on their own, eventually deleted most of their social apps and dramatically reduced their phone use. They recognized the harm and discovered the benefits of disconnecting. Sometimes the best lessons are the ones we learn ourselves.

Through my recovery, I discovered the transformative power of mindfulness and gratitude. In 2022, I released an app called Pause Breathe Reflect to share these practices with others. It's a source of stability in an increasingly chaotic world.

But I always felt a deeper pull, one born from watching my daughters disappear into their screens. I wanted to help people improve not just their mental, physical, and social health, but also their digital health.

I wanted to help people change their relationship with their phones.

The data speaks for itself, so I don't need to rehash it here. We know phones can be wonderful tools when used intentionally. The problem is they're often using us instead.

I've surveyed over 5,000 people with a simple question:

If you had an extra hour each day, how would you spend it?

More than 70% said they'd use that time to care for their health, be more present with family and friends, or spend time in nature.

All things that bring genuine joy. All things that happen when we unplug.

That's why I launched Microdose EQ earlier this year. It's a new feature on my app that gives people the power to lock and unlock distracting apps and websites. It helps interrupt the cycle of habitual scrolling we often fall into when we're stressed, lonely, or simply bored.

The early results are promising: members are reducing unproductive screen time by 40% and redirecting that energy into more meaningful activities. It's one way to model a more mindful relationship with our devices and to honor what most of us want from our lives.

I feel deeply grateful that my daughters eventually found their way to healthier phone habits. But I often wonder what will become of us if we continue to be pulled into our phones and away from life.

But even as a wonder and worry, I remain hopeful because of organizations like The Global Day of Unplugging, which are helping us to disconnect and reconnect with life. I'm committed to encouraging others to join their mission as I share the benefits of technology that allows us to use less technology.

If you want to reclaim your time and break free from the algorithm's grip, I have good news.

You can download Pause Breathe Reflect with Microdose EQ from the Apple App Store and start your 7-day free trial today.

When you do, we'll celebrate your commitment by either planting a tree or removing ocean plastic on your behalf because caring for your digital well-being and our planet go hand in hand.

Your future self will thank you for choosing less screen time and more life.

Because the real question isn't whether you have time for what matters most, it's whether you'll permit yourself to reclaim it.

To discover more, you can visit www.pausebreathereflect.com or www.michaelobrienshift.com